


Cats and Dragons

by worstloki



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cats, Crack, Dragons, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, FrostIron - Freeform, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, M/M, Pure Crack, The Avengers (2012) - Freeform, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, and cats, and in this case what they both want is to do each other, because i know aaron likes dragons, but it is heavily heavily implied, just like with Gomez and Morticia, not that it's shown, oh and also dragons, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:48:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27695816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worstloki/pseuds/worstloki
Summary: "There is no version of this where you come out on top," Tony said, thinking about how Loki needs to calm down and maybe get a cat or something."Are you sure about that," Loki thought, with this exact face, and the whereabouts of a dragon shop in mind: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 34
Kudos: 163





	Cats and Dragons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BouncyDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BouncyDragon/gifts).



> It's Aaron's birthday (@shinindragon) and I just know how much they love cats and dragons so here's this one-shot.

“I have an army,” Loki points out.

“We have a hulk,” Tony argues.

“I thought the beast had wandered off,” Loki says, narrowing his eyes at the man, calling the bluff of the rather cute midgardian. 

Not that his appearance matters. 

Or the list of achievements to his name. 

Or this huge tower which Loki decided would be the perfect place to have his invasion fail from. 

Not because he trusts the man to figure out what’s going on or stop the army no matter the cost or anything like that. 

He’s simply not one to make the sacrifice play, as the Captain so eloquently put it. 

Or is he? 

Right now, looking at the man, all Loki seems to see is a mirror. 

And call him Narcissus because damn is he loving his reflection. 

“You’re missing the point!” Tony says, loudly, as if he can speak over Loki’s statement of fact; as if the mortal would be able to distract Loki from a goal he has come too far to do anything else for already. “There's no throne—“ 

Loki holds back a grimace at that. 

He really isn’t here for a throne, and even though he knows it’s necessary, he doesn’t particularly enjoy having to showboat himself as someone who wants one. 

Oh well. 

When stranded in space with a bunch of torture-happy goons, one makes do. 

Is this talk about thrones really supposed to distract him? Is this the Midgardian version of stalling? Well, Loki isn’t going to complain. This midgardian has flair. Loki can appreciate that. 

“There is no version of this, where you come out on top. Maybe your—“

Wait. 

What did he just say? 

Why would he say that?? 

What is he— is he _flirting??_

_At a time like this??_

Tony Stark is still talking. Loki isn’t listening. 

He walks closer to the man. Very close. Too close. 

And Tony is freaking out. 

There is a hot alien war-bringer intent on conquering the entire planet. And he can’t stop thinking about how good this guy looks. Like, _damn_. 

And he’s totally doing it on purpose too. The way he stalked closer and is staring at Tony can’t be unintentional. Right? 

Right?!

“What did you say?” The hot alien in leather asks, his face close enough for Tony to see all the flaws in it: exactly none. 

“Uhhh, something something, if we can’t protect the earth we’ll definitely be avenging it, so you should just take a step back and calm down with the intense eyes and villain speeches?”

“No, no, before that,” Loki says, shifting the sceptre in his hands. 

“There is no throne?”

“After that.”

“You’re not going to come out on top?” 

“Yes, that. What was that about?”

Tony blinks. Why did he have to point _that_ out _?_ All he said was— oh.

 _Oh_.

Tony laughs nervously. 

That’s an appropriate reaction, right? 

Loki leans closer to him and Tony does his best to breathe normally. He thinks his face might be getting red but he’s a bit distracted to care. Distracted by how close this guy is getting. Damn those are some killer cheekbones. 

He really hopes aliens can’t read minds. 

“Would you be interested in proof to the contrary?” Loki says, hesitantly, with his silky smooth voice as if he very well can’t tell that Tony is a bit too interested in getting to know him better. 

And they shouldn’t. They really really shouldn’t. There’s an invasion going on. Tony is part of a team now. Loki is going to screw Thanos and his army over another time before getting away. 

Unfortunately for Tony, he only _just_ met the team and doesn’t like them very much. 

Unfortunately for Loki, he’d rather screw over someone who he _wants_ to. 

Unfortunately for the both of them, they have far too much in common, and not enough reasons to say no to each other.

“Well, I’m always up for some back and forth with a devils’ advocate,” Tony answers, perhaps a bit too breathily, pulling off his bracelets and throwing them in the general direction of the bar. _I’ll just put them back in their hiding place later,_ Tony thinks. 

Not that Loki notices. He’s busy throwing his sceptre away, making sure it’s by the door into the room. _The dumb thing doesn’t even work through any kind of strong emotion,_ Loki internally scoffs. 

——

The Avengers did eventually arrive in New York. 

Even if their arrival was way after Tony. 

The portal did eventually open, but was closed almost immediately because Dr Selvig had built in a fail-safe, and he found the sceptre conveniently lying abandoned in the room right next to the machine. 

And so the invasion was stopped without Tony Stark or Loki so much as making an appearance. 

And for them to turn up, the Avengers waited. 

And they waited. 

And waited. 

“Wasn’t there meant to be some _plan_ with the wormhole through which an army would amass and try to start taking over and spreading general terror?” Steve, a sci-fi novel enthusiast, asks his team.

“Yes,” Clint says, “there was, I’m sure of it.”

“You _sure?”_ The infamous Black Widow asks.

“As sure as I was in Budapest.”

“Where’s Bruce?” Thor asks, only just realising the man is missing, “and where is my brother?”

Nick Fury’s voice takes over their comms. 

“Crisis averted. Bring the quinjet back to the Helicarrier. And bring Stark back with you.”

“Nick?” Natasha questions, really confused. Clint raises an eyebrow. No one calls him anything but Fury.

“Sir?” Steve says, also trying to ask for information about anything that is going on. Where are the aliens? Why did the portal open for only a few minutes? What happened to the crazy alien that was trying to take over? If he was such a mastermind villain why did only a few Chitauri soldiers make it through before Erik Selvig had closed it? And why hadn’t Loki stopped him from closing the portal? Where is Tony? Where is Loki?

Nick Fury does not answer. He does, however, send them some coordinates, along with a message reading: _Whatever you do, do NOT video call Tony Stark._

The Avengers follow the coordinates, feeling like a bunch of kids following a pirate map, with no clue what treasure they would find at X.

——

  
  


So, the map led them to a shawarma store. 

Since the alien attack flunked it’s in pristine condition, albeit empty of customers, because people had still freaked out and ran, even if the portal was barely open for a few minutes. 

Well, actually, the store is… _mostly_ empty. 

There’s one table in the centre of the dining area, and a few workers chatting behind the counter, and a few cats.

Okay. _A lot_ of cats. And… _dragons???_

Those are unmistakably dragons. 

They’re scaly and reptilian and _have wings_ and Steve swears one of them just _sneezed fire._

Well, at least they found Tony. 

And Loki. 

Loki is sitting on the table, legs crossed, surrounded with cats and dragons, with Tony laying across the table, his head in Loki’s lap. 

Steve and Natasha both double-take: his _head_ is in _Loki’s lap_. 

Thor is gaping. 

The Avengers look to each other in confusion. _What exactly is going on here?_ Is a thought that goes through many of their minds. 

Tony’s got a half-eaten wrap on a plate next to him that a _small red dragon_ is eating from. Loki’s using one hand to hold his own shawarma wrap, and _carding the other hand through Tony’s hair._

A shimmery green dragon has decided to _fall asleep on Tony’s stomach_ as Tony runs a hand along it’s back. 

A small black kitten is _holding itself over Loki’s shoulder-plate with its front paws._

A ginger cat is _snuggling against Tony’s head_ in _Loki’s lap_. 

There is a _golden dragon_ occupying the spot at _the top of Loki’s head_. 

This is without mentioning the numerous other similar creatures littered across the seats and rest of the table.

And the Avengers? Well, the Avengers don’t even _want_ to know how things got to _this point_. 

They don’t even think they want to know what exactly is going on here _right now_ either. 

Why does the way Tony is laughing and explaining something (about space?) while Loki smiles along and adds comments every now and then feel... strangely intimate?? They just don’t know and don’t want to find out. They’re considering backing away when Thor decides to speak.

“Dragons aren’t even a thing!!” Thor, with zero-room-reading ability says, breaking the awkward silence that had descended on the Avengers as they stood in the doorway of the shawarma shop. 

An approximated twenty sets of eyes turn towards the door, most of them belonging to cats or cat-sized dragons, but some belonging to Tony and Loki themselves. 

“Hey, team!” Tony calls, and he waves them over with his one spare hand, “you made it!!”

“Care for some shawarma?” Loki says, still running a hand through Tony’s hair and holding his wrap in the other. “It’s surprisingly good.”

“Course it is, Lokes, _I_ recommended it.”

“I didn’t doubt your recommendation, Tony, just the _timing_ of it.”

“Weren’t you… ahh… trying to take over the planet?” Steve asks, awkwardly, the 5’4’’ asthmatic kid from Brooklyn in him really shining through. 

“Well, I was, yes,” Loki says. He pauses to take a bite out of his roll, and Tony takes over the story. 

“But that was boring, and the portal idea was just _so cliche,_ that we decided to go to a pet store instead.”

Natasha coughs. “And at this ‘pet store’ you found cats and… dragons?”

“Well, yes,” Tony starts.

“But actually, no,” Loki continues. “You see, Tony dear was very insistent that I get a cat, and that I would enjoy one, and needed the affirmation of unconditional love and whatnot, and so he gifted me one of the glorious felines that shelter had to offer.”

“I see,” Natasha says, unsure of how this answers her many questions.

“‘ _Tony_ _dear’?!_ ” Thor exclaims, choking on Loki’s drink that he had been sneakily trying to take a sip of. 

“That doesn’t explain the dragons,” Clint points out.  
  
Everyone ignores Thor. 

“Well, Mr Would Rather Burn Than Be Second Best just _had_ to gift me something in return, and decided that _a dragon_ was an equivalent present.”

“Which it isn’t,” Bruce says, walking into the store. 

“Hey! Brucie! You made it too!” Tony calls.

“Yeah, a bit of a trip, and I may have stolen someone’s bike. What’d I miss?”

“Not much, not much!” Clint says, “Just thE ENTIRE _ALIEN INVASION_ —”

Natasha gives Bruce a pat on the shoulder. “It only lasted a few minutes, no need to worry about it.”

“So, anyways,” Tony, the attention-hating attention-seeker says, pulling the attention back to himself, which is just another thing about Tony that Loki loves: so paradoxical, it’s brilliant. Utterly amazing. Loki just loves his funky little hot genius human so much. “I couldn’t just have my fiancé one-up me like that, so I decided to purchase him a dragon too...”

Bruce nods. “And then I take it Loki decided you should _also_ get a cat to even things out?” 

“ _‘Fiancé’_ _?!_ ” Thor exclaims, choking on Loki’s drink that he had been sneakily trying to take another sip of. 

Everyone ignores Thor. Again. 

“Actually,” Tony says, “He tried to convince me that the _two_ cats he bought for me were worth the _one_ I had gifted him.” 

“Ah,” Natasha says, seeing where this is heading. 

“And so the cycle went on?” Steve guesses.

Loki hums in agreement, and gives them the purest most self-indulgent smile ever as the dragon on his head hops down, landing on Tony’s face. 

Tony just lets it curl up there. If it sleeps on his face, it sleeps on his face. He owns frickin dragons now because his fabulously sexy alien space boyfriend just happened to know where to find them. His life is perfect right now.

“Until the pet store and dragon farmer ran out and we decided to just share all the animals since we’re living together now anyways.” 

“ _Living together?!_ ” Thor screeches.

He is ignored.

The kitten on his shoulder makes its way to the now-vacant spot at the top of Loki’s hair and lays, stretching itself over Loki’s head, paws concealing half of his face. 

A glowy blue dragon moves closer and places it’s head on Loki’s thigh, and Loki lets it join in on the group cuddling by putting his shawarma arm around it. 

“And you guys just _instantly fell in love_ and started buying each other _cats and dragons_ to celebrate?” Clint asks, skeptical. 

“Yes,” both Tony and Loki answer, in unison. 

Natasha mutters something about magic sex and decides to work out the logistics of aliens and humans sleeping together later. 

She doesn’t think Thor would appreciate her interrogating him about it right now. 

She makes a personal note to ask how the super strength and higher body density would factor in. 

“Sounds fake, how do we know you aren’t playing us?” Clint accuses. 

Unfortunately, before either Tony or Loki can answer him, their gifted pets to each other, which care deeply for their caretakers and do _not_ like the tone of the hawkman as he questions what is truly a bond of the strongest love, decide to attack him. Viciously. 

  
  


——

  
  


Clint escapes because Tony and Loki called them off. But the scorch marks and scratches all over him are warning enough.

No one ever dares question their relationship again. 

Not even Thor. 

No one is about to risk being attacked by a tiny but deadly army of cats and dragons.

They’ve seen what it can do. 

——

  
  


When the Avengers walk into the Helicarrier meeting room an hour after schedule with an army of cats, the only reason Fury holds his tongue is because there’s one very familiar-looking ginger cat which joined the amassed kittens and baby dragons as they were making their way.

  
  


——

  
  


Odin _nearly_ questions it. 

But upon seeing the dragons, which, according to all known Asgardian legends of the realms, _shouldn’t exist,_ falls into Odinsleep immediately.

  
  


——

  
  


At the wedding, both front rows are filled with cats. 

Well...

...cats…

...and dragons.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome, as are corrections and questions :D


End file.
